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hey everyone...im still in london, will be home next week tuesday...my trip here here has been great and i dont wanna go back...
anyway today is the most devastating,the most saddest day of my entire life....i dont know how i can express whats in my heart...i feel so hopeless, i cant do anything, i cant think properly.....

Today i just got to know that my crush, the one thing that i ask, that i want, the little thing that i hoped for has someone else in her life.... the thing that made me so sad and so angry is that she snuggled him today....and i thought she was a girl of high potential, has high perceptions towards life and has principals that she held on....only to know that she was cheap and just like any other usual girls....for the everytime, i respected her bcos of who she is, i liked her bcos of who she is but its sad to know that all ur patience and ur opinions towards her is for nothing....she's just like any other girls....i take back all of the things that i've said about her... im really hurt.

i maybe can accept the fact that she's not intrested in me and likes someone else but the one person that she likes, why must it be the one that i really really freaking hate...i swear im gonna make him pay for this....he is no match for her..... he changed her to be someone that she's not.. and that's not okay with me.... i am gonna make his life miserable and make him suffer if he ever hurt her....

She was everything that i've ever wanted, the one thing that i ask but it didnt happen.... why must that be.... i think of her the every second of my life since i knew her 2 years ago.... but now only i know that the evrytime i think of her, she was thinking about someone else... why have i been wasting my bloody freaking time??? i cant get her out of my mind although how hard i try..
we all have our first true love and this is mine... why does this happen to me?? i never let a girl get in the way of my life but she did although how much i deny it....

i wasted my time for nothing and i cant believe i just did.... i dont think i can fall in love with another again ever again... although its still early to say so, i think i just cant.... i cant accept this is happening..... and i dont think i ever will..... i was in love over her....she turned me into such a fool... i drive myself crazy over her...i wanna stay here in london, where no one really knows me, where i can start a new life and be thousands of miles away from her...

my crush, i hope and i really hope that ur relationship does not work out,u'll have a miserable time with him and by then, i hope u would remember what i said about him....

'i feel blank'