Of your beautiful smile that I really like

RTJA. Well she's very sensitive about the hyphens so its actually
RTJ-A. :)

This one aint like any other because the whole story amuses me every single time I think about it. Until now, its amazing, even. :)

It all started last year when I saw who I thought was you at PBIM in december, running. I was in your class for one whole semester and the most we exchanged were smiles, and that was about everything.

To come from 2 different strangers for a whole semester to now is well, something a little short of a miracle or maybe i'd rather look at it as fate. Anyways, for seeing who I thought was you, I got to speak to you for the first time. From there on, we found a common ground : running. Until I decided to take a step further bcos I felt something, entirely different in myself ever since you came around. And I liked it, so much bcos it aint like any other. It felt new. I felt better, so much better.

Personally, I wasn't expecting much since well, we were very least likely to happen and it was against all odds anyway.

Since what happened in 2009 and the 12 months that it took to recover. I became very cautious in my every step, in my every approach. But I guess you really overwhelmed me. For someone who's been a still rock for about 2 years, what you had me felt was overwhelming. And I liked it bcos I was generally a better person, someone who I really wanted to be, when you came around.

Seeing who you are, I knew I had to be careful and be subtle in my every step and that was exactly what I did. And I enjoyed what we had bcos at one point, we were constantly texting, running marathons, messaged each other. It felt really nice bcos I got to see something in you that you've always kept concealed and dont show just anyone. In a way, I felt lucky bcos you showed me the side of you that kept me excited, every single time. That's why you never fail to make my day with even the small gestures you do or say.

Despite my best efforts, the inevitable came around. I guess you realized I wasn't the one for you or even close to being the one. But I dont blame you, our differences will only complicate things in the future. Maybe what happen now is for the best.

But Im going to be honest now, even having said that the future will look really challenging for us, I was ready to put my foot down and work for us. Bcos I guess what I felt was really that strong. I was prepared to make it work for us, to go thru every challenge there is ahead, to defy gravity. But I think only I was prepared, and I cant do it alone. You didn't want to do it.

I cant help it but think that you were afraid. Bcos you just left everything hanging. I didnt even know what I did wrong. Maybe it was bcos what I did was right that scared you. Maybe you were scared to proceed. Again, I dont blame you, you're new to all this. Prolly I wasn't worth the risk anyway. But who knew.

To think of it, divine intervention happened a lot between us to just leave it like this. Bcos you later told me it wasnt you who I saw. And I accidentally joined PBIM last year, so happen to see someone who I thought was you. Oh well.

We had a good few months but well, I just wasn't satisfied bcos it could've been longer and there's a lot more things that we could've had fun doing. I never thought I'd be this healthy if it wasn't for you in the very first place. I cant help thinking what if you took the risk. The thought of going against all odds with you looks really nice despite not knowing how the end of the journey looks like.

I am writing all this however, witha big smile on my face. Yeah it didn't end that well but, somehow I dont know what you did to me that kept me smiling everytime you came to my mind. And trust me, you're in my mind quite often. :)

Nah, Im not sad. Im just overwhelmly happy it happened, even if it was just for a little while. Bcos its been a long time since someone got me head over heels. The feeling's nice actually.

I know the feelings aint mutual and im prolly just syok sendiri but hey, im happy doing so, so who cares. :)

Thanks idol, RTJ-A. You'll always be that person who turned me into a much better person. Physically and Spiritually. Thanks for the memories. :)

Lonelyteddiebear. :)