Sometimes, you just dont know what to do anymore when everything you do isn't good enough. You start thinking you ain't worth it in the first place.

Sony w810i

Exams are over, so best? Yeap yeap but crap, holidays without vacations and still lotsa crap to do aint really holidays but oh well, at least a few worries are off the head.



Alright well, Im lucky enough today to have a quite free schedule on this very sunny wednesday afternoon. Since I've nothing much to do except laze at home, I decided to switch my old phone back, Emma, the white Sony W810i since a lot of anonymous numbers came in these past few weeks so yeah. And the fact that Im bad at names aint helping either. :)



DAMN THERE"S A LOT OF SHIT IN THERE!



Haha I changed phone so abruptly last year that I didnt even bother to transfer all those videos, pics and contacts inside there.



But yeah a year later, it was put back to life. Damn, and I always wondered how the craaaaaap I went haywire for about the whole year. I went to the inbox and I saw all the reasons why. From the 1st text tilllllllllllllllllll the last one.


And I got all my answers. No wonder lah aku jatuh gila babi! Message dia steam steam doh! Patut ah goyaaaaang! HAHAHAHA a lil part of me smiled, a lil part was sad, a lil part was a bit diisapointed, a lil part of me laughed, a lil part of me was thankful. All in, I was just merely out of words.


To see how it never had a fullstop, was just sad lah, and hard, but then again, from where I am right now, I see why it ended like that. At the end of last year, I placed the other half of the fullstop to the half that has always been there a year back.


As much as I wanna be angry about it, I just choose not to. At least not anymore. For sure, I used to be really angry and shit but who wouldn't lah. First time ah bro, mmg ah! :)


But from where I am right now, I just wanna say thank you, really, seriously. For showing me or rather making me experience what its like. Both ways. Truly, it was fun. I had a lot of fun during that time. A lot of stuffs were made easy for me. You pulled me out of a big crap. :)


Sure of course I hoped that things ended up nicely, siapa taknak kot! Tgk je la kau sekarang! Pergh! :P But I realized that my time was over, I guess thats how things work. Move on and on and on and on.


Im sorry to say this but, Im happy and glad that things didn't turn out well, from where you are right now, things would be really awful for us. So I guess its true kan, things happen for a reason. :)


Heh to be really honest, I've dated a few since then, but nothing came even close I think. And somehow I still think of you at times, very randomly. And whenever I do, despite how much I wanna call or hope your text or your call would come in, I just ended up smiling. Widely.


The most I could do was pull back that one picture I kept. And say :


"Hey, I miss you. And I hope you're doing well. I know you are"

And with a big smile on my face, closed the book, and move on. :)

Invictus

I was soundfully asleep last night till a text came in at 7 in the morning.

Then everything just kinda felt different. All those stuffs from 2 years back just came flooding in and yeah, the guilt was actually never washed away.

Things are the way they are for a reason, Mischief.

Did I ever wish things worked out?
Without doubt heck yeah. haha


Do I regret how things ended up?
Well a bit yeah but like I said in my textbook answer, it happens for a reason. trust me. ;)


Have you ever crossed my mind?
I know you assume that you dont but you do, how can you not when I keep you really close to me. trust me. ;)


I know you having able to count the times you've seen me sucks but its better like this and its also better if you dont know why. And im nt quoting bruno mars. ;)
Now things are no shit anymore, so I've set my priorities straight. trust meee. ;)
What we've had was priceless, Mischief. That never changed.

Circumstances might change but I want you to always know that Im just a call away okay.

Yeah. I miss you. Take care. Seriously.
:)

6th October - Deja Vu

There are days where its fun, sad, depressing, eventful but if you asked me to describe yesterday with one word- I cant.

Im lost with words. And you say Im good with words huh?

So check this:

-During break in college, someone I knew briefly came up to me and said 'you're in luck today'. I responded by saying 'Yes I am, I met you.' Haha I still got it but little did I knw that my day was still early

-After college, a bunch of us hit tutti frutti in bsc only to bump with the siblings there. As I was enjoying my tutti frutti, someone unfamilliar gave me a nice smile and waved. Being modest, I thought it wasn't for me but as she got closer, it was Vera. I was lost for words. After what 4? 5 years of texting and IM's and surprise parcels and phone calls, I finally met her.

-It was a pleasant surprise. She looked very pretty in person. I was so shocked, I was gushing like an idiot. Apparently I didnt realize until the whole family and also the guys told me. Haha what can I say, it was unexpected. I dont think we'd ever hang out, better off like this ey? Haha Im just hoping for a lot more bumps into you, Vera. Or glamourly called, smallie. :)

-As I was driving back from Bsc with Yana, she told me 2 words, 'why not?'. haha ass!

-1.45am in the morning when I was studying, Evon my kindergarden mate from Australia texted me, 'Hey I dreamt of you, whatever you wanna do, do it okay, you'll be fine, miss you lots'



WHAAAAAAAAAAAT????

This is scary. But oh wells, we'll see how it goes.

On top of my effin head.

-Reese's peanut butter cup chocolates
-Hard Rock shirt
-Spain world cup champs jersey
-Ray Ban shades
-Giordano ladies jacket
-Engraved docktag
-Eve of 17th July
-DKNY apple delicious perfume
-Strawberry tasted lips
-Ribbons
-Warehouse dress
-Tutti Fruti
-Slow Dance
-Instantaneous dates
-Hugh Grant's character in Notting Hill
-The Beatle's she loves you
-Singing partner
-Ooooh, butter chicken
-AS Trials
-The phone call
-The text



If its not bcos of my believe in everything happens for a reason, I would've really wish I could go back to this time last year and enjoy the companionship I once had.

Screw it.

Oh hang on, nahh screew it! :P

It was great to see the Johannians back. It was just great bcos in the end of the day you know that those faces are the faces you went through shit together for 5 freaking years.




Compare how I influence you during your exams and how he influence you during your exams.
A big ass difference.
Maybe you're more hardworking now who knows ey?
I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world yo. :)




I miss ND, come back to me soon, you give strength to my two balls. :)
Sem break soon!
HELL FREAKING YES! :)

Broken Strings

TOO many addictions. Its seriously unhealthy. :)


It tears me up.
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much,
I tried to forgive but its not enough,
To make it all okay


You cant play on broken strings,
You cant feel anything,
That your heart dont want to feel,
I cant tell you something that aint real,


The truth hurts and lies worse,
How can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less than before.


Running back through the fire,
When there's nothing left to save,
Its like chasing the very last train,
When we both know its too late.


Let me hold you even for the last time.





Awesome! :)